


History Repeating

by Mia_writes



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Between Cordelia and James, Between Matthew and Cordelia, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Parabatai, Post Chain of Gold, Relationship Advice, They're basically a mess, Unrequited Love, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23048779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_writes/pseuds/Mia_writes
Summary: It’s the day of James’s wedding. Will sees an all-too-familiar look in Matthew’s eyes and decides to have a conversation with his son’s parabatai.
Relationships: Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale, Grace Blackthorn/James Herondale, Matthew Fairchild & James Herondale, Matthew Fairchild/Cordelia Carstairs, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Comments: 21
Kudos: 182





	History Repeating

**Author's Note:**

> This is canon compliant through Chain of Gold. It also contains spoilers for The Infernal Devices.

“I can resist everything except temptation” -Oscar Wilde

Will watched as Tessa readied herself for their son’s wedding. She was sitting in front of her vanity, wrapping a satin ribbon around the hair that Bridget has helped her pin up. The soft green color of the ribbon matched her dress, and her attention was fixed on her reflection as she tried to get it to stay.

“Let me get that,” said Will.

Tessa’s lips quirked. “Did you become an expert in women’s hair while I wasn’t paying attention?”

Will took the ribbon from her hand and wrapped it around her upswept hair. “It’s a ribbon, Tess. I’ve been tying things my entire life. I assure you, I’ve perfected the art.”

He tied the ribbon off, took a step back to admire his work, then frowned. It was crooked somehow.

In the mirror, Tessa was fighting valiantly to keep her expression composed. “Does it look like a perfected art?” She asked mildly.

“Hush,” said Will. He untied the ribbon and began again. “You cannot rush perfection.”

“We must rush perfection at least a little,” argued Tessa. “I’m meant to look in on Cordelia and make sure she is prepared for the wedding. And you’re meant to look in on Jamie.”

Will’s second bow came out worse than the first and he quickly undid it before Tessa could examine his handiwork. “Ah yes, the young lovers. Remember what that was like, Tessa? To be young and marrying?”

Tessa smiled. “I remember. I felt so secure that day. Like nothing could shake me. I was happy, but then I’m always happy with you. When I think back, I remember my certainty. I was so, so sure of you. I knew that after the ceremony I would get to keep you for the rest of our lives and I couldn’t wait to be yours.”

Will finished tying the ribbon. It looked, if not stylish, at least adequate.

“Of course,” said Tessa in a teasing tone. “You were not at all certain, that day.”

Will placed his head beside hers so they could look at each other in the reflection. “When I remember our wedding day, I think of being blindingly happy. It wasn’t until Tatiana’s words that I began to have doubts. And I was never unsure about you, Tessa. I only wanted to be enough for you. To make you happy.”

“You do, Will,” said Tessa. “You always have, and I know you will for the rest of our lives.”

Will’s stomach did a funny flip. Tessa spoke that way sometimes, as if they were a regular married couple. As though they would both age and die together. He did not know if it was willful ignorance on her part, or if it was her way of spitting in the face of the fact that they would never get that ending.

Will never spoke that way. He always spoke of loving Tessa until the day he died. Of making her laugh for the rest of their time together.

He knew she would live on after he died. Sometimes, when he couldn’t sleep at night, the thoughts haunted him. Of Tessa lonely after his death. Of Tessa falling in love again and forgetting him.

In the light of day, he knew it was a childish fear. He was sure of Tessa’s love in him and he knew she would love him long after he was gone. By day, he only worried about her future loneliness.

He hoped Jem would be by her side to help her through it. He hoped against hope that they might someday be able to find joy in each other, though he knew it was impossible.

Will looked at their reflections in the mirror. He had streaks of grey in his hair and laugh lines around his eyes. The backs of his hands, where they lay over Tessa’s shoulders, were webbed with scars. His shoulders were visible around her head, wide in a way they hadn’t been in boyhood.

Tessa looked the same way she had on the day of their wedding. A girl of eighteen, with radiant pink cheeks and gunmetal-grey eyes. She looked more like a bride than the mother of the groom.

“You look beautiful, _cariad_ ,” Will told her.

Tessa’s face folded into a smile. So many smiles today. “And you look handsome, my love.”

Will’s fears dissipated like ripples in water. He knew that Tessa saw _Will_ , not an old man. Their love was about more than their ages, more than the fact that Tessa was not truly a Shadowhunter, more than the fact that Will would one day die and be forced to abandon her.

Their love was eternal. The last dream of his soul.

“I wonder if they feel as sure as we did,” said Tessa. “Jamie looked so nervous about the wedding at dinner the other night.”

Will snorted. “That is because James was talking to Charles, who is an insufferable idiot and saw fit to bring up the night James had spent in Cordelia’s bedroom.”

“Will,” Tessa admonished gently. “You can’t call your nephew an insufferable idiot.”

“But was I wrong?” pleaded Will.

Tessa pursed her lips and didn’t answer. Will enjoyed his silent victory.

“It’s James, love,” said Will. “I’m sure he feels just and happy and sure as we did on our wedding day. He would never have proposed to her otherwise.”

“You’re right,” said Tessa. “I just can’t believe it’s his wedding day. It feels like yesterday that he was running around the institute, pretending to fight demons by brandishing a spoon.”

Will placed a kiss to the side of Tessa’s head. “And now our little boy is in love.”

He looked again at their reflections. He and Tessa looked happy and in love and certain. He hoped that James and Cordelia’s happiness would be as long-lasting as theirs.

***

Soon after that, Will and Tessa had gone to attend to their respective duties. Will had looked in on James, who was changing into a brand-new waistcoat while admonishing Christopher for setting the first one on fire. Thomas was scrawling a healing rune onto James’s wrist and Christopher tinkering with a half-burned device that Will assumed was the source of the fire. When he’d asked if they needed any help, Thomas had assured him that he had the situation well under control. James had glanced up, gold eyes the same color as the trim on his waistcoat, and asked Will if he had seen Matthew.

That was how Will had found himself on a mission to find his son’s _parabatai_ that had taken him all over the institute. He’d bumped into Tessa in the hallway, who had informed him that Cordelia was almost ready and was being entertained by Lucie’s recitation of _The Beautiful Cordelia_. He’d checked the music room, stopping to run a finger over Jem’s Stradivarius and wish that he could come to the wedding. He’d looked for Matthew in the training room, but found only Cecily and Gabriel, kissing and quickly breaking apart when Will opened the door. Matthew wasn’t in the sanctuary either, though Anna and Magnus were there, comparing clothing while Alexander played with loose bolts of fabric on the floor.

In fact, Will did not manage to find Matthew at all. He eventually made his way to the ceremony and took a seat beside Tessa, feeling anxious. If his son’s _suggenes_ didn’t show up, who would walk James down the aisle? Will would volunteer of course, but he knew James wouldn’t accept. He thought of his own wedding and the empty place he’d left because if he couldn’t have Jem as his _suggenes_ , then he would have nobody.

But the fear turned out to be unfounded. Right as James appeared at the head of the aisle, Matthew materialized at his side. Matthew was splendidly dressed and smiling widely as he said something to James that made him laugh. The two boys walked down the aisle arm in arm, James slightly steadier than Matthew.

Tessa linked her hand with Will’s, squeezing as if asking if he was seeing this too.

Their son was getting married.

By the time Lucie and Cordelia started down the aisle, Tessa was tearing up and doing her best to pretend she wasn’t.

Will knocked his shoulder teasingly into hers. Tessa stepped on his foot.

“You didn’t even cry at our wedding,” Will whispered.

“Hush,” said Tessa.

They watched as James and Cordelia exchanged vows and became husband and wife. James kissed Cordelia carefully, properly, one hand on her waist and the other on her cheek, and they smiled softly at each other when they pulled back.

Will felt so proud that his son had found someone to love.

After the ceremony came the party. It was held in the ballroom, exactly as Will and Tessa’s reception had been years earlier. James and Cordelia danced together in the center of the room, Cordelia gleaming like metal: gold dress, copper hair, silver jewelry. She shone. She was the light that counterbalanced James’ shadows.

Will spun Tessa around the floor and they passed the other dancing couples: Lucie and Christopher, Alastair and Eugenia, Thomas and Anna. Cecily and Gabriel waltzed by and Will stuck out a foot, tripping Gabriel and swiftly passing him before he was any the wiser.

“Will,” murmured Tessa under her breath.

Will glanced down and Tessa’s nodded her head to the side of the ballroom.

Matthew Fairchild was not dancing.

He stood against a pillar, alone, drinking from a glass he clutched tightly in his hand. His waistcoat was unbuttoned and his blond hair in disarray, as if he had been running his fingers through it. None of this was what froze Will to the spot. It was the look in Matthew’s eyes — love and longing — as he watched James and Cordelia on the dance floor.

Will had seen that look before.

He released Tessa’s waist, escorting her off the floor.

“Go talk to him,” said Tessa, her eyes stormy. She made her way over to the table where Sophie and Gideon were sitting as Will headed for his son’s _parabatai_.

Matthew did not notice him until Will was right beside him. As soon as he felt Will’s presence he pulled his eyes off Cordelia, summoning up a believable smile and flashing it at Will.

“What a great wedding,” said Matthew. “They look very happy together.”

Will was seventeen again, at a dining table while Tessa and Jem announced their engagement. The room was ringing with silence and then he was standing, offering them his congratulations, admiring their love.

“Why are you not dancing, Matthew?” Asked Will. “There are several lovely ladies who still require partners.”

Matthew didn’t answer.

“Gentlemen too,” said Will. He gestured at where Magnus Bane was sitting with Henry Branwell and Charlotte Fairchild, looking deep in discussion. “I’m sure Magnus would dance with you.”

Matthew stared at his glass. “I am alright here. I’m observing the festivities. If I were to join in, this party would become far too entertaining. No one would be able to bear it.”

He emptied his glass, switched it to his other hand, and drew a flask out of his pocket. He was studiously avoiding Will's gaze, and the dance floor as well. Will thought he might be looking at the potted plant he'd once claimed was possessed by a demon.

“Do you know the story of Tessa and I?” Asked Will.

Matthew smiled ruefully. “Ah, a tale of true love. You fell in love with her the moment she broke a jug over your head. You defeated an army of automatons together, fought beside and protected each other, and two years later you were married. It’s a story out of a fairytale.”

“Perhaps it would have been,” said Will. “Had Tessa not been engaged to Jem.”

Like a puppet on a string, Matthew jerked around to face Will. His mouth was open in shock. “Jem?” He echoed. “James’ Uncle Jem? Your _parabatai_?”

“That’s right,” said Will.

“I knew they cared greatly for each other,” said Matthew carefully. “I did not realize…”

“That I was in love with my _parabatai_ ’s fiancee?”

Matthew nodded.

“It is strange, isn’t it?” Asked Will. “Being caught between two people you love so much. I would have burned the entire world to have Tessa love me the way I loved her. But I would have burned the world before touching a shred of Jem’s happiness. I couldn’t love her without hurting him.”

Matthew’s eyes, though glassy from drink, were sharp on Will. “I love him,” he told Will seriously. “I love him more than my own life. I would never do anything to hurt him.”

“I know,” said Will gently. “I never doubted that.”

Matthew’s fingers played with the lid of his flask, the Fairchild ring gleaming in the light. “What did you do? When Tessa was engaged to Jem?”

“I tried to take happiness in their happiness,” said Will. “I knew how much they loved each other. I knew that Jem would treat her well and make her happy. And when that wasn’t enough, when I watched them laugh together and it hurt to be left out, I used the bond between Jem and I. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that you can feel some of what James feels, if it’s a particularly strong emotion.”

Matthew’s hand brushed his wrist, where his _parabatai_ rune was inked, and he nodded.

“If James loves Cordelia half as much as Jem loved Tessa, I’m sure you can feel it,” said Will. “You can feel his happiness about this marriage. You can borrow a bit until you can forge your own.”

Matthew gazed out at the dance floor and Will followed his line of sight. James and Cordelia had stopped dancing. They were standing on the other side of the room and James’ hand rested lightly against Cordelia’s waist as they spoke to Charles Fairchild and Grace Blackthorn. Cordelia’s expression was pinched and James’s carefully composed, a look many people had when faced with conversation with Charles.

“Yeah,” said Matthew, sounding utterly broken. “James is happy.”

He took a deep drink from his flask and Will stood there, wishing he had learned from the past. Wishing there was a way to stop the story from repeating and the same mistakes from being made. Wishing there was a way to keep Matthew’s heart from breaking without breaking Jamie’s.

Cordelia approached them, looking resplendent in gold.

“Matthew,” she said. “The dance floor has missed you. Would you like to be my partner for the next dance?”

It was unbelievably forward for a young lady to ask. But it was alright because Cordelia was married and because Matthew was like a brother to James. Because there could be no sense of impropriety when they were already family.

Matthew swallowed down one last gulp of alcohol while Cordelia watched with disapproving eyes. Did he always drink this much? Perhaps Will should keep a better eye on him.

“Dance with a bride so lovely as you?” Asked Matthew. “I should hate to deprive James of the chance. Where is he?”

Cordelia held out a hand to Matthew, as if she would drag him to the dance floor anyway. “He’s dancing with Grace,” she said lightly.

“Ah,” said Matthew, as if he heard a deeper meaning in those words. “Well in that case, I would love to accompany you for a dance.”

He took Cordelia’s hand and led her out to the dance floor, maintaining a proper distance between them. Will remembered trying to keep that distance from Tessa. He remembered how much it had hurt, how difficult it had been. He remembered breaking it a few times, and touching Tessa in ways he knew he shouldn’t.

He hoped that Matthew had better self-control than he had had.

Tessa came up to his side, her hand sliding into the loop of his elbow. She was warm and beautiful and home and Will had almost not gotten the chance to marry her. He would be thanking the Angel for the rest of his days that he had gotten so lucky. 

He brought a hand up to trace the faded _parabatai_ rune over his heart. 

“Will he be alright?” Tessa asked.

Will watched the young couples dance around the room, James and Grace chatting with their heads bent together and Matthew and Cordelia rigidly a foot apart.

Love was so difficult, so painful. Not everyone got an ending as happy as he and Tessa had. Not everyone lived a happily ever after, even an imperfect one.

“I don’t know,” Will said. “I hope so.”

For now, hope would have to be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated


End file.
